A Problem on Namek
by RowlingIdol
Summary: Updated 11-12-02 Something is wrong on Namek!!! What can the Nameks do? Piccolo brings Bulma, Vegeta, and their kids up to Namek. What will happen? Please R & R. No trash, recycle. :)
1. Chapter 1

A Problem on Namek  
  
By RowlingIdol (Lauren G.)  
  
A Big Note For Everyone Who Reads This: This is rated PG for humor and MINOR, not major, MINOR sexual situations. And in one Namek/Freiza saga episode, Vegeta mentions he trains a lot (duh) and drinks lots of juice and that's how he is so strong. So that's the deal with Juicy Juice in this story. Vegeta thinks Apple juice is weak, and Grape is strong. Get it? Also, I have this idea that Nameks don't look as old as they look. Like, they grow up fast. And if you think my idea of Kahoma and Dende getting together is just as bizarre as Oolong and Puar doing the dirty, you stink. This is a humorous story. You like humor stories. *nod nod* We like the Nameks. *nod nod* We like Dende. *nod nod* We like my made up characters. *nod nod* You won't trash this story. *nod---* Ah! Come on!!!! Just read.  
  
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Once upon a time, there was a little greenish bluish, oh what the hell, Once upon a time there was a planet called Namek. Namek was the home to many and I mean many male Nameks. Nameks are part human, part lizard. Thus, their green skin. :) And if you don't watch Dragonball Z, this story isn't for you!!!!  
  
Our story begins when yet another Namek has died and laid eggs. At least I think that's how Namek eggs are made. If not. *shudder*. And if you're wondering what time period it is, I have no clue. This is just a fan fiction that is supposed to make you laugh because it's funny. If you really want to know what time period it is, it'll probably be sometime after the ever so long fusion saga and Majin Super Buu is dead, and before Dragonball GT. Happy?  
  
FINALLY!!!! I will start the story!!!!!! So there are new Namek eggs and they're about to hatch. So let's join my made up characters Pearic and Quark and hot boy Dende. And if you think my made up names are funny, tough because who in their right mind would name their son after a flute like instrument *coughpiccolocough*. No offense to Piccolo lovers. "Look!" Dende said. "They're hatching!!!" Dende said. "What should we name them?" "I don't know." Quark said. "How about Horun and Kahone?" "Okay." Dende said. "Piccolo!!! Over here!" Dende called. Piccolo walked over. "What." He said with absolutely no emotion in his voice. "The eggs are hatching. Do you want to see?" "Fine." Piccolo said. The other Nameks came over to watch. One egg hatched first. "Yay!!!!" said the Nameks. "Yay." Said Piccolo. "This one will be Horun." Pearic said. The second one hatched minutes later. "Ya---" the Nameks started to cheer before they noticed something was terribly, Terribly, TERRIBLY wrong with it. "AHHHH!!" yelled a Namek. "Mutant Namek!!!!" "Aren't we all Mutants? I mean, lizards and humans mixed together?" said yet another Namek. The Nameks ignored him and concentrated on the problem blossoming before their eyes. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Other Nameks yelled. "The Namek is missing the 'Gift' that all Nameks have!" said another one. "The Gift!!!!!!" the Nameks said. "We should take the Namek to the doctor!!!" Quark said. They picked up the Namek, still half in its egg.  
  
"I don't know what's wrong with him." The Namek medicine man said. "The Namek God must hate him!" "It's a cursed Namek! Cursed, I tell you! Cursed!!!!" "Let's kill it!" "No! Wait!" said Dende. "I know someone who might be able to confirm what's wrong with him. Piccolo, get Bulma on a ship here immediately!!!" "Why." Piccolo said. "Or else we'll be forced to murder one of our own kind!" "And your point is." "Piccolo! Please!" "Okay. Fine." Piccolo flew off.  
  
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Piccolo teleported himself to Kami's place. "Oh! Piccolo!" said Mr. Popo. "What brings you here?" "We have a problem on Namek." Piccolo said, walking towards the edge of the lookout. "What is it? Has another villain taken over the planet?" "No." "Then what?" Mr. Popo raced after Piccolo. Piccolo stopped at the edge of the lookout. He turned around. "More eggs hatched today." "Goodness, did one die?" "No. We don't know what's wrong with it. We need Bulma's help." Piccolo then stepped off the lookout and floated to the ground, before flying to Capsule Corp.  
  
"Come back here woman!!!" Vegeta said, chasing after Bulma in the house. "Eeeeeeeee!" Bulma squealed. Vegeta caught his wife and embraced her in a loving kiss. Okay, I think I've read one Bulma/Vegeta romance too many. Suddenly Vegeta drew his head away. "AAAAAAAAAA!" He screamed like a girl. "Oh hi Piccolo!" Bulma said. "Hello. Bulma, we need your help." Piccolo said. "Oh yeah?" Vegeta said. "Why should we help you?" "Behave." Bulma said. "What do you need help with?" "More Nameks hatched today. There's a problem with one of them." "Oh dear! What can I do?" "You could use your technology to try to determine a diagnosis. Or else we'll have to kill it." "Oh! How sad! KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!" Bulma screamed at the top of her lungs. Trunks burst out of the GR and Bra ran down the hall holding a Barbie. "Daddy!!!!! I thought you were going to play dolls with me. You promised you would make Ken take Barbie to the prom!!!!!" Bra whined, holding onto Vegeta's leg. "What Mom?" Trunks asked. "Pack your clothes. We're going to Namek." "Namek?" Trunks asked. "Do what your mother says!" Vegeta said. Trunks ran to his room. "Daddy, help me pack my clothes." Bra said, tugging on his spandex pants. Vegeta turned away from Piccolo. "Okay." Vegeta said and took her to her room. "Piccolo, you're going to help me prepare the ship." Bulma said. "Why. I can just teleport everyone there." "All right then. Then you need to help me collect all my capsules for the trip."  
  
Vegeta was forced to hold Bra's Barbie Maui Beach House in all it's pink glory. Then Piccolo teleported everyone to Namek. "Wow!!!!!!! It's blue!!!!! It's green!!!! It's. Oh hell." Trunks said. "Where do we go now?" Bulma asked. "I hate this place.." Mumbled Vegeta. "But honey, this is where we kind of got to know each other. Isn't it romantic?" Vegeta went red. Piccolo grinned. "Vegeta and the kids can stay here. They should find a place for you to set up house. I'll take you to the medicine clinic." Piccolo and Bulma walked off. "Daddy, I have to use the bathroom." Bra said, tugging again on his spandex. "Go in the bushes." "But they look weird." Bra said. "GO IN THE BUSHES!" Vegeta said. Bra began to sob hysterically. "Now, don't cry." Vegeta said, panicking. Bra cried impossibly louder. "Don't cry. Don't cry. BULMA!!!!!!!!!!! Don't cry. Don't cry. I'll play dress up with you later." "Promise?" Bra said. "Sure.. Whatever. Just stop crying." "Okay!" Bra hugged her Dad's leg. They quickly found a spot and Vegeta used the Mansion Capsule. They had a bit smaller replica of Capsule Corp. "Now. Let's wait for your mother to get back." Vegeta said. He stuck the plastic straw in the Grape Juicy Juice box and drank it all in one gulp.  
  
At the medicine clinic, all the Nameks were wearing masks and protective eye wear. They also had on big plastic gloves, afraid to touch the baby Namek. They were standing on their tip toes, trying to feed the baby water from a bottle at a far distance. Bulma and Piccolo were handed the protective gear to wear. They didn't put it on. "But miss!" said a Namek through his mask. "It's dangerous! It's cursed! It's mutant!!! It's-" "It's a girl." Bulma said taking one look at the Namek. Piccolo slapped himself in the forehead. He had teleported an entire family to an entirely different planet just to confirm a gender difference. "A what?" "I remember this." Said one of the Nameks. He tore off his mask. "Dende!" Bulma said. "Hi Bulma." Dende said. "Bulma mentioned this to me the first time we met. There are boys and girls. Brothers and sisters." "What?" said the other Nameks. "I'll handle this." Bulma said. "Everyone on Namek is a boy right?" The Nameks nodded. "You have one of these, right?" Bulma pulled down Piccolo's pants, revealing every Nameks 'gift'. (Okay people. You know what I'm talking about..) "BULMA!" he said, finally with some puncuation. "Right." They said. Piccolo pulled his pants back up, slightly red. "But this is different. This is a girl. Like me." Bulma said. "What's the difference?" said a Namek, shrugging. It was Bulma's turn to go red. "Well, girls have one of those." Bulma said, pointing to the girl Namek. "OOOOOOOO Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh." The Nameks said, understanding. "Kapeesh?" Bulma said. "So it's not cursed?" "Or mutated?" "No. Now give her some clothes." Bulma ordered. The Nameks put a cape and pants on the girl. "No. No. No." Bulma said. "Give her a shirt. And a skirt. That way you'll be able to tell the difference." "Why? Our leader wears a skirt." Quark said. Bulma groaned and rolled her eyes. Pearic was unsuccessfully putting the shirt on the Namek, as he had on a tunic shirt. "Give me her." Bulma said, fed up with them. "Her name is Kahoma." Dende said, holding the Namek close to him. "Okay. Kahoma." Bulma said. Dende handed Kahoma to her. "I'll take her over to our place and give her some of Bra's clothes." "I'm coming too." Dende said. "Piccolo, are you coming?" "Fine." Piccolo said, and followed them out of the clinic.  
  
Bulma and Dende entered the Capsule Corp. Mobile home. "More tea, Daddy?" Bra said. She was wearing one of Bulma's old dresses and high heels that were too big for her. She had a big floppy hat and big earrings on. "Sure." Vegeta said lazily, holding out his tea cup. He had a shawl wrapped around his shoulder, and tiara perched in his hair, and costume jewelry on his wrists and around his neck. Piccolo almost laughed out loud when he saw Vegeta sitting at the plastic Fisher Price table. Bra abandoned Vegeta at the tea table and ran to help pick out clothes for Kahoma. "This is Barbie. And this is Ken." Bra said to Kahoma, holding up her dolls. "Honey, she probably has no clue what you're saying." Bulma said. "She's just a baby." "Us Nameks grow up fast. She'll learn quick." Piccolo said. "Piccolo!!!! Play Barbie's with me!!!!" Bra whined. "I don't play such foolish things. Ask your father." Piccolo said. "He already played with me today. Now it's your turn." Bra said, stepping hard on his foot. "Ow! *Brat*" he added under his breath. "Play with me now!!!!!!!!" Bra screamed. "Bulma. Do something." Piccolo said. "She won't stop until she gets her way." Bulma said with a smirk. Piccolo sighed and sat down on the floor. "Fine. But only for 5 minutes." Piccolo said. "Here. Dress Barbie so she can go on her date with Ken." Bra said, handing Piccolo a naked Barbie doll. Piccolo went red.  
  
  
  
To be continued in the next thrilling chapter of 'A Problem on Namek'  
  
  
  
Note: How was that? Very humorous huh? Please review! No trash, recycle. 


	2. Chapter 2

A Problem on Namek Chapter 2  
  
By RowlingIdol (Lauren G.)  
  
A Big Note For Everyone Who Reads This: This is rated PG for humor and MINOR, not major, MINOR sexual situations. And in one Namek/Freiza saga episode, Vegeta mentions he trains a lot (duh) and drinks lots of juice and that's how he is so strong. So that's the deal with Juicy Juice in this story. Vegeta thinks Apple juice is weak, and Grape is strong. Get it? Also, I have this idea that Nameks don't look as old as they look. Like, they grow up fast. And if you think my idea of Kahoma and Dende getting together is just as bizarre as Oolong and Puar doing the dirty, you stink. This is a humorous story. You like humor stories. *nod nod* We like the Nameks. *nod nod* We like Dende. *nod nod* We like my made up characters. *nod nod* You won't trash this story. *nod---* Ah! Come on!!!! Just read.  
  
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"No no no!!!!!" Bra said. "Barbie doesn't sound like that!" "Then how is Barbie supposed to sound?" Piccolo said, very annoyed with playing dolls with Bra. "High pitched. Not low and grumpy." Bra glared at Piccolo. "Fine." In the highest voice he could muster, Piccolo made Barbie talk to Ken: "Oh!!! Ken!!! I'm having so much fun at the dance!!!! Now take me home!" Vegeta snickered, who was standing just outside Bra's bedroom door.  
  
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Bulma was having her own problems with Dende and Kahoma. "Now, let me refresh my memory. Nameks only drink water." "Right." Dende said. "So am I just supposed to put water in the baby bottles, and feed her that way?" Bulma said. "Yes." Dende said. Already almost a day old (because I'm making time go fast on Namek), Kahoma had already learned to crawl. Dende went and fetched her and held her in his lap while Bulma fed her water. "How soon will she learn to walk?" Bulma asked. "I'd give it a week. Then she'll be talking and annoying everyone." "And I take it you want us to stay here on Namek." "Well, we've never had a girl around before." Dende said. Bulma nodded. "I guess I could live with that." She said. Kahoma gurgled. "Awwww.." Dende said. "That's it!!!!" Piccolo yelled, coming down the stairs. "I'm done playing dolls!!!!" He stormed downstairs. "We're going, Dende!" Piccolo said. "Hold Kahoma for a second." Dende said, picking up all the supplies Bulma had given him. Piccolo grimaced at the young Namek. Kahoma gurgled again and then peed on him. "Disgusting." Piccolo said. "Let's go." So they left the house. Once Vegeta knew they were out of hearing range, he turned to Bulma. "Now where were we?" He said. Bulma had already started running. Vegeta raced after her, laughing madly.  
  
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2 weeks later, Kahoma was running around like all the other young Nameks. Piccolo was leaning against a building, arms crossed and head bowed. Kahoma walked up to him. Piccolo opened an eye, staring at her. "What do you want." He said. "Here." Kahoma said, holding up a flower. "Thanks." Piccolo said. Kahoma just stood there. "What now." "Did you know, that Bra has over 15 Barbies? They're really cool. And the other day, we made them go camping. And then Trunks came in and he stole one of the Barbies and he tried to blow it up in the microwave, but Mrs. Breifs stoped him, and then we tried to get Mr. Vegeta to have a tea party with us but he was too busy kissing Mrs. Breifs, so he shooed us away. And then we ate cheese and crackers and we made a real mess, and then Vegeta yelled at us, and it was really mean of him-" Kahoma continued to babble on. Piccolo started walking away, trying to lose her, but Kahoma followed him. "And did you know that Trunks is allergic to Maynoaise. Because we were making sandwiches because Mr. Vegeta ate all our cheese and crackers and he broke out in itchy red spots and Mr. Vegeta screamed like a girl and Mrs. Briefs had to give him some cream to make the spots go away, and then we made our dolls go to the beach, and Mr. Vegeta yelled at us again, because we poured sand in the bathroom to make the beach and one of the Barbies almost got flushed down the toilet because we were using it as a whirlpool. Mrs. Breifs and Mr. Vegeta have a whirlpool tub, but it was filled with sand, so that's why we had to use the toilet-" Piccolo, ground his teeth together and then flew off. But Kahoma had grabbed onto his cape and climbed up to his shoulder and chattered into his ear as he flew along, fast, trying to shake her off. "And Dende is really nice to me. He doesn't yell at me like Mr. Vegeta does. Mr. Vegeta has an attitude problem. Dende plays with me and goes with me to pick flowers. It's fun, and Mrs. Briefs has this thing called 'Brita' and it makes the best tasting water ever, so Dende is going to sell the good water to the Nameks so everyone can taste the yummy water. It's really good. You should try some and then you should come over to Dende's house and play with me. Bra lets me bring home some of her Barbies because she has too many and Trunks doesn't play with her, and she can't play with all the Barbie's at once. And then Dende tucks me in at night. I have pink bed sheets, and tells me stories and I had a nightmare after he told me the one about the freezer-" "Don't you mean Frieza?" Piccolo said. "Uh huh. Anyways. Uh.. What was I going to say?" Kahoma said. Piccolo landed and took her off his shoulder. "Go home." He said. "But I'm not done talking to you!!!!!!" She said. "And did you know that Dende is the greatest story teller? He tells me about the old dead big fat of lard, Guru and the Dragonballs and he talks about you and how you're strong, and about your friends on Earth. I want to back to Earth with Dende but he says I'm too little but I don' think so. He was little when he went to Earth, so why can't I?" "GO HOME." Piccolo said firmly. "I want you to take me home." Kahoma said. Piccolo sighed and began to walk towards Dende's house. "You're walking to fast! Hold my hand!!!!!!" Kahoma said. "No." "Hold my hand!!! I could get eaten by a dinosaur!" "There are no dinosaurs around here." "But what if a dinosaur comes out of the sky and grabs me and chews me up? And then what? I would be dead and it would be all your fault and Dende would hate you and Bra wouldn't have a friend and we couldn't make Mr. Vegeta mad anymore and make cheese and crackers and-" "Fine." Piccolo took hold of her little hand. "Ew. Your hand is sweaty.. I don't want to hold it." Kahoma said, wiping her hand on her shirt. Piccolo clenched his teeth together and slowed down. When they reached Dende's house, Kahoma rushed to the door. "Hi Dende! Guess what? I gave Piccolo a flower, and I talked to him, and then he flew off, and I got to ride on his shoulder, and then I talked to him more, and then he tried to hold my hand to take me home, but it was sweaty, and then we came here!" Kahoma said, hugging Dende's legs. "Quite the chatterbox." Piccolo said. "She takes naps most of the time." Dende said. "Let me know when, so I can hide." Piccolo turned on his heal and walked away. "No more annoying Mr. Piccolo, okay?" Dende told Kahoma. "Okay." She said. "I'm going to take a nap." She skipped off to her room.  
  
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Over the next couple of months, Kahoma looked about the age of a normal 14 year old. Bulma often brought her in her lab to do research on the race of Nameks. But then, something terrible happened one evening. Dende came flying to the mobile Capsule Corp. home. "Bulma!!!! Bulma!!!!!" Dende yelled. "What?" Bulma said. "Kahoma is dying!!!!!!!!!" He cried frantically. Bulma immediately rushed over to Dende's house. "I don't know what happened. She started bleeding and." Bulma had started to laugh. "This isn't funny!!!!" Dende scolded her. "No. You don't get it." Bulma said. "Kahoma's not dying." "She. She's not?" Dende said, blinking his eyes. "No. It's completely natural for girls." "They bleed?" "Vegeta had a hard time understanding, too." Bulma said. Kahoma was in Dende's bathroom, crying. Bulma went in and told her about every girls 'Time of the Month'. "Oh great." Kahoma said, brushing her dark green hair out of her eyes (okay, cuz she's a girl, she gets hair). "Now I have to bleed every month, but I also have cancer!!!!!" "You do? Who told you that?" Bulma said. "Trunks." "He did? Why did he say that." "He says that you get lumps on your body when you have cancer." Kahoma said, starting to cry again. "Don't worry. You don't have cancer." Bulma had to explain about boobs too. Then she went home so she could ground Trunks.  
  
Kahoma was too old for Dende to tuck her in now, but Dende still went in her room to check on her. But now a days he was feeling strange around her. He didn't know what it was. Maybe girls really were cursed and they made guys feel funny. It was evil!!! Evil!!!! Dende backed out of her room. But, the feeling inside of him didn't feel like evil. It was more of a fuzzy feeling like those towels after Bulma washes them with the blue bottle with the scary moving and talking teddy bear on it. Dende shook it off and went to bed.  
  
  
  
To be continued in the next thrilling chapter of 'A Problem on Namek'  
  
  
  
Note: Oh great! Now instead of a problem on Namek, we have a horny Namek on Namek!!! Please review! No trash, recycle. 


	3. Chapter 3

A Problem on Namek Chapter 2  
  
By RowlingIdol (Lauren G.)  
  
A Big Note For Everyone Who Reads This: This is rated PG for humor and MINOR, not major, MINOR sexual situations. And in one Namek/Freiza saga episode, Vegeta mentions he trains a lot (duh) and drinks lots of juice and that's how he is so strong. So that's the deal with Juicy Juice in this story. Vegeta thinks Apple juice is weak, and Grape is strong. Get it? Also, I have this idea that Nameks don't look as old as they look. Like, they grow up fast. And if you think my idea of Kahoma and Dende getting together is just as bizarre as Oolong and Puar doing the dirty, you stink. This is a humorous story. You like humor stories. *nod nod* We like the Nameks. *nod nod* We like Dende. *nod nod* We like my made up characters. *nod nod* You won't trash this story. *nod---* Ah! Come on!!!! Just read.  
  
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Kahoma went over to the Capsule Corp. house. She nervously rang the doorbell. She could hear Bulma screaming at Trunks. "You left the toilet seat up again!" "Mom! It wasn't me!!!" "The who was it?" Bulma screamed. She opened the door. "Oh its you!" Bulma let Kahoma in. Trunks was spread out on the couch eating cheese puffs. The toilet flushed down the hall. Veget came out of the bathroom. "Woman, we're out of Juicy Juice." He said, hitching up his spandex shorts. Bulma left Kahoma in the living room and went to check in the bathroom. "So it's YOU that's been leaving the seat down!" Bulma yelled at Vegeta. "Hey! I go through 5 packs of Juicy Juice a day! When you have to release yourself that fast, you kind of forget those kind of things." Vegeta said, stealing Trunks' bag of Cheese Puffs and wolfing them down. Bulma growled and went back in the bathroom and slammed the seat down. Bra came down the stairs. Kahoma smiled at her. It seemed like just the other day when Kahoma had been her size and played dolls with her. Now since of my genius idea that Nameks grow and mature fast, things were different. "Hi Kahoma!!!! Mom ordered me a new Barbie doll." Bra said. "Neat." Kahoma said. Bulma had made new clothes for Kahoma. Bulma's old clothes were still too big.  
  
Kahoma went back to Dende's house. "I'm back." Kahoma said. Dende was meditating, hovering above the floor. He opened his eyes and looked at Kahoma. He went red and fell out of the air. "What's wrong?" Kahoma asked. "I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I.. I don't know." Dende said, going redder. Kahoma shrugged and went into her room. Dende bolted out of the house. He ran around until he found Piccolo. "Piccolo! I need your help!" He said. "What." Piccolo said, leaning against another building. "Well.. I feel funny." Dende said, looking down at his hands. "Funny, how." "I don't know. I feel weird." "How so." Piccolo opened one eye and looked at Dende sideways. "Well, I feel funny... Down there." Dende said. Piccolo went red. "Why are you asking me? I don't know anything about that!! Ask someone who knows!!!!" Piccolo said, walking off. Dende sighed. He thought for a moment, and flew off.  
  
Dende rang the doorbell at the Capsule Corp. home. "It's open." Vegeta said. Dende opened the door. Vegeta hurled an empty Juicy Juice box into the corner of the room. He was watching TV with his feet propped up on the coffee table. "Vegeta?" Dende asked, slowly walking into the room. "I need some advice." Dende sat on the couch. "What kind of advice?" Vegeta asked, shoving the straw in another Juicy Juice box. "I need advice about. sex." Dende said. Vegeta spat out his juice and his feet crashed through the coffee table. "Why are you asking me???" He said, a bit pink. "Piccolo said to ask someone who knew." Dende said. "I haven't even had this talk with MY son yet!" Vegeta said. Bulma thundered down the stairs. "Vegeta, you'll never guess what I found under Trunks' bed!!! Porn mags!!!" She screamed "He probably got them off Kakarot's boy, Goten." Vegeta said. "Woman! Green boy needs advice on the wonders of life." Vegeta said. "You tell him. I have to go ground our son." Bulma said. "No, you." Vegeta said. "No, you." Bulma replied. "You." "You!" "You." "You!!!" "You!" "YOU!" "You!!!" "YOU!!!!!!" "YOU!!" "YOU!!!" "YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "You just don't want to because the only thing you know about the 'wonders of life' is that you like it, but then you regret ever doing it because you've made 2 kids!!!!" Just as Bulma said that, Bra had came downstairs. She began to cry. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sob* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hic* DADDY DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Bra cried. "Now I didn't say that!" Vegeta said, walking towards his daughter who was pounding the floor with her fists, making the house shake. "YOU HATE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRUNKS ALWAYS TOLD ME I WAS AN ACCIDENT!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!" Vegeta picked up his daughter, who began hitting his chest. "Dry your tears. I still.. Still." "Say it." Bulma said. "I still love you." Vegeta said. Bra kept crying. "I'll do whatever you want if you stop crying." Vegeta said. "Anything?" Bra, said, lifting her head. Bulma took Dende aside and brought him into the kitchen and gave him some water. A while had passed and Piccolo stopped by to see if Dende was still there. He opened the door and looked around. "Daddy!!!! You're doing it all wrong!!!!!! You're supposed to twirl on three!!!!!" Bra bounced into the family room with a pink tutu on with frills. "Hi Piccolo!!! Want to watch my dance routine? Daddy gets to be my background dancer!" "Sure." Piccolo said. Bra dragged Vegeta into the room. Piccolo tried not to laugh out loud. Bra had forced a pink ballet costume onto him. Bra started the stereo and it began playing the 'Barney' song. The one to the tune of 'Yankee Doodle'. Bra pranced around the room and jumped on the couch, made a bunch of silly hand movements and twirls. Vegeta looked more stupid than when he did the 'Fusion Dance'. If he wasn't so proud, he would make a good ballet dancer. "Did you like it?" Bra asked Piccolo. "Yeah. It was great." Piccolo said. Vegeta crossed his arms and glared at Piccolo. "Can I take this off now?" Vegeta asked his daughter. "No! Now you have to make cookies with me. You can wear Mommy's 'Kiss the Cook' apron. You like it a lot because you always kiss Mommy when she wears it. You also like to touch her bum too." "Bra.. We have a guest." Vegeta said, nodding in Piccolo's direction. "So?" Bra said, taking her father's hand and dragging him in the kitchen. Piccolo pulled down the bottom lid of his left eye and stuck out his tongue at Vegeta. Vegeta stuck his tongue out at Piccolo. Piccolo smiled and waited in the family room for Dende.  
  
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Dende and Piccolo walked out of the Capsule Corp. house. "Did Vegeta answer your question." "Not really." Dende said. "What about Bulma?" "She was too mad about Trunks to really tell me anything. She just told me not to look at magazines of some sort." "Maybe you could ask Gohan. He got married." "He did? Oh yeah. I forgot." Dende went into his house and Piccolo went off to lean against another building. "Hi Dende!" Kahoma said. Dende went bright red and ran into his room.  
  
  
  
To be continued in the next thrilling chapter of 'A Problem on Namek'  
  
  
  
Note: I'm kind of running out of things that would be funny for this story. Post a review about what you would like to see some of the characters do. Please review! No trash, recycle. 


	4. Chapter 4

A Problem on Namek Chapter 4  
  
By RowlingIdol (Lauren G.)  
  
A Big Note For Everyone Who Reads This: This is rated PG for humor and MINOR, not major, MINOR sexual situations. And in one Namek/Freiza saga episode, Vegeta mentions he trains a lot (duh) and drinks lots of juice and that's how he is so strong. So that's the deal with Juicy Juice in this story. Vegeta thinks Apple juice is weak, and Grape is strong. Get it? Also, I have this idea that Nameks don't look as old as they look. Like, they grow up fast. And if you think my idea of Kahoma and Dende getting together is just as bizarre as Oolong and Puar doing the dirty, you stink. This is a humorous story. You like humor stories. *nod nod* We like the Nameks. *nod nod* We like Dende. *nod nod* We like my made up characters. *nod nod* You won't trash this story. *nod---* Ah! Come on!!!! Just read.  
  
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"What do I look like? A U.S. Postman?" Piccolo asked Dende. Dende had just asked him if he would go back to earth and bring Gohan and Videl up to the Planet Namek. He was in desperate need of advice. "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Dende said. Piccolo grimaced. 'Not the puppy dog pout'. He thought. "Fine!" Piccolo said, throwing his hands up in the air. He held his fingers to his forehead and teleported to earth.  
  
"I love you." Gohan said to Videl. "I love you more." Videl said to Gohan. "No, I love you more." "No. I love YOU more." "NO. I love you more." "NO. I love YOU more." "NO. I LOVE YOU MORE!!!" Gohan tackled Videl down onto their bed and began ripping off her clothes. Videl suddenly screamed. Piccolo screamed. Gohan turned around and covered himself. "Piccolo!" Gohan said. Piccolo had turned around and spoke to the master bedroom door. "Dende requests your presence on Namek." Piccolo told the door. "He does?" Gohan said. "Well. I don't know." Gohan scratched his head. "I mean, we have a kid and." "I think it would be fun!" Videl told her husband, still covering herself with the sheets of the bed. "Oh. All right then." Gohan said. "Will you excuse us?" he asked Piccolo. Piccolo went red. "Hurry up with your 'business'." Piccolo reached for the door handle. "We can finish later, honey." Videl whispered in Gohan's ear. Gohan went red. Piccolo left the room and closed the door.  
  
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"So, Vegeta and Bulma are here too?" Gohan asked, straightening his glasses. "Yes." Piccolo said. "If you wish, you can use the empty house next to theirs." "Sounds good." Videl said, holding baby Pan. "What exactly does Dende want my help with?" Piccolo went red and whispered in his ear. "WHAT???????" Gohan sweat dropped really big. "He wants advice about SEX??????" "You mean that innocent green healer?" Videl asked. Piccolo nodded. Videl gave Gohan a weird look. Gohan just shrugged.  
  
At the Namek house, Videl set up home. Gohan went over to the Capsule Corp. Home with gifts of acceptance. You could never be too sure about Vegeta when he answered the door. Gohan had Pan in one arm and the gifts in another. He nervously knocked. Footsteps shook the window. Gohan gulped. The door swung open. "Uh.. Hi." Gohan said. Vegeta just stared at him, speechless. "Um. Hey, Vegeta!" Gohan started in a friendly way. "I brought you some 'Limp Bizkit'. " Vegeta blinked. "Limp.. Biscuits???? Like the ones Bulma makes??" "I heard that!" Bulma screamed. She ran to the door. "Gohan! What are you doing here?" "Piccolo came to Earth and said Dende wanted my help." Gohan explained. "The Namek must still be horny." Vegeta said, examining the Limp Bizkit CD. Bulma hit him on the arm. "Come in. Aw. Is this beautiful girl yours?" Bulma said, reaching for Pan. Gohan handed Pan over. "Yeah." Gohan blushed. "She's mine and Videl's." "Videl? Is she here too?" Bulma asked, tickling Pan's tummy. "She's next door. Piccolo said we could stay there." "Oh great. Now we'll be disturbed by those two young lovebirds at odd hours of the night." Vegeta said, putting the CD in the stereo. "Hey. Don't think that we've woken up the kids at some points." Bulma said, glaring at Vegeta's back. Gohan snickered. "Come on. I'll make you some tea." Gohan, Pan and Bulma went into the kitchen.  
  
In the living room, Vegeta was making the house shake because he was jumping around playing air guitar with the Fred Durst red cap perched on top of his pointy hair. "It's all about the he says she says bull shit!" Vegeta sang. "Vegeta!" Bulma screamed from the kitchen. "Now you have to put a quarter in the 'Bad Word Jar'. Vegeta couldn't hear. "I think you better quit talkin' that shit! Or you'll be leaving with a fat lip!" Vegeta jumped on the couch, collapsing it. "It's all about the he says she says bull shit!" Bulma rolled her eyes. The song started over again. "It's just one of the those days! When you don't want to wake up! Everything is fucked, everybody sucks!!!!" Vegeta paused in his singing and pondered a moment, taking in the lyrics. "Oh.. BULMA!!!!!!!" He said in a sing song voice. Guess what's on his mind?  
  
"Daddy! Mr. Piccolo is here to play with me! Come play with us!" Bra said, running into the living room and taking her Dad's hands. "Bra, your mother and I were going to. uh." "Daddy!!!!!!!!!!! You promised!" Bra said, tugging on a handful of spandex. "Fine! What are we playing?" Vegeta took off his Fred Durst hat. "Wedding! I'm the priest and Piccolo is the Bride and you're the Groom!" "No! I refuse to play wedding. Now why don't you go make Dende play with you. Wait, bad idea. Go make your Barbies play wedding your mother and I need to 'discuss' something upstairs." "But Daddy!!!!!!" Bras' lower lip trembled. "Vegeta, I'll play with Bra. You take Gohan to Dende's." Bulma said, coming out of the kitchen with Gohan. "But Bulma...." Vegeta whined. "Later." Bulma said sternly. Vegeta jutted out his lower lip and sat down on the remains of the couch.  
  
********  
  
"So uh... then you uh.. Do this. And then you just uh.. Keep going and then uh... yeah." Gohan said to Dende. "Uh. Thanks Gohan but its kinda hard to see your example when you're still covered up in sheets." Dende said. Videl glared at Gohan. "I didn't agree with a sex show/example in the first place, Romeo." Videl said. She reached down behind the sheets and pulled up her panties and her pants. "Sorry honey! I well. Dende's my friend and I.. Well. I wanted to help him with his problem!" Gohan apologized. Videl walked out of the house. Gohan sighed. "Sorry Dende. I tried. It's very hard to talk about s.. you know around other people." "I understand. Who should I try then? Piccolo doesn't know. Vegeta won't tell me anything. Bulma trys to but I don't know what some of the words shes saying means like, 'testicles'." Gohan went red and coughed into his hand. "And if I can't see your example then what?" "I know! Let's call my dad!"  
  
  
  
To be continued in the next thrilling chapter of 'A Problem on Namek'  
  
  
  
Note: Sorry this took a long time to get out. I kinda stopped on it for a while. But, oh no! Goku giving sex-advice? The horror! 


	5. Chapter 5

A Problem on Namek Chapter 5  
  
By RowlingIdol (Lauren G.)  
  
A Big Note For Everyone Who Reads This: This is rated PG for humor and MINOR, not major, MINOR sexual situations. And in one Namek/Freiza saga episode, Vegeta mentions he trains a lot (duh) and drinks lots of juice and that's how he is so strong. So that's the deal with Juicy Juice in this story. Vegeta thinks Apple juice is weak, and Grape is strong. Get it? Also, I have this idea that Nameks don't look as old as they look. Like, they grow up fast. And if you think my idea of Kahoma and Dende getting together is just as bizarre as Oolong and Puar doing the dirty, you stink. This is a humorous story. You like humor stories. *nod nod* We like the Nameks. *nod nod* We like Dende. *nod nod* We like my made up characters. *nod nod* You won't trash this story. *nod---* Ah! Come on!!!! Just read.  
  
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"Do you know if phones work on this planet?" Videl asked Piccolo, picking up Bulma's phone. Piccolo didn't answer. "Its worth a try." Bulma said. Videl handed the phone to Gohan in exchange for Pan so she could go and feed her. Gohan listened to the phone. "There's a dial tone." Gohan said. He dialed the number. He waited until somebody picked up. "Hello? Mom?" Gohan nervously said. He held the phone away from his ear as Chi-Chi screamed into the phone. "Where in the world are you Gohan? I came over to visit but you weren't there and you left your front door unlocked!" "Sorry mom. Me and Videl had to leave in a hurry." "What about Pan?" "Oh. We brought her along too." "Where are you?" "Namek. Mom can I talk to Dad?" "NAMEK?????? NAMEK???????? WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON NAMEK?" "Things." Gohan shrugged. "That's a very odd to try for more kids, Gohan." Chi-Chi replied. "Mother!!!!" Gohan whined. "Listen Mom. I need to talk to dad. We need some help here on Namek." "Again? I am not letting Goku fight anymore villains." "No mom. We need advice." Gohan hastily explained. "Gohan, Gohan, Gohan. It's the vagina you want to push into. You could have just asked me." "MOM!!!!!!!!!" Gohan yelled, going red in the face. "GET DAD ON THE PHONE!" "All right, all right. And remember Gohan, anal sex can never be too safe." "MOM!!!!!!!!!!" Gohan screamed again, shaking the house. Goku got on the phone. "Hi son! Your mother tells me you're having sex problems." "No Dad. Its not me. Its actually Dende." "Dende? Sex problems?" "Geez Gohan, you should have just said so." Chi-Chi said, picking up the other phone line. "So uh, can you come up here and give him some advice?" Gohan asked. "Sure son." There was a click and suddenly Goku appeared in the Briefs kitchen. "Hi Gohan!" Goku said. "Hi Dad." "Nice kitchen. Reminds me of Bulma's house." Goku turned around. "Oh hey guys! You're up here, too?" Goku said to them. "Hi Goku." Bulma said. "I will kill you Kakarot." Replied Vegeta. "Same to you buddy." Goku said. "Gohan, where's Videl and Pan?" "Videl's feeding Pan somewhere." Gohan shrugged. "So where's Dende?" "He's at his house." Piccolo said. "I will take you to him."  
  
At Dende's:  
  
"Okay. Well. Lets see... Sex education..." Goku tapped his chin as he went into deep thought. "How to explain... Well uh.. I take it you want to know about male to male sex because there are no girls on Namek, and any of the girls here are not available." "Goku!" Bulma said. "What?" Goku said, raising his hands in confusion. "Uh Dad? There's one more problem." Gohan said. "What? Does Dende have that kind of cancer that attacks guys-" "No Dad." Gohan hurriedly said. Gohan looked at Piccolo. Piccolo opened up one of the doors in Dende's house. "Kahoma?" Piccolo asked. He peeked in. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" screamed Kahoma. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Piccolo. Kahoma stepped out of the bathroom into the family room of the house in a towel. Piccolo was red in the face and tried to act calm. "Hellllllllllllllllloooooooooooo Nurse!" Goku said. Then he crossed himself and prayed to Kami that Chi-Chi would never find out he said that. "Hi." Kahoma said, wringing her dark green hair out into a separate towel. "What do we have here?" Goku said. "She's a female." Piccolo said. "Oh!" Goku said grinning. He turned to Dende. "So this is the girl you want to have se---" Dende slapped a hand over Goku's mouth. "Oh. Sorry!" Goku told Dende. "Uh. Why don't we go outside.." Goku said.  
  
Outside Goku was failing in Sex-Ed. "Well, so you uh...... Insert this here. Or you could do it here. Or here. And I think you can insert it here like this.. But I'm not positive. Gohan? What's your opinion?" "I'm going to kill you both." Videl said. Goku was posing Gohan and Videl for examples. "Dad. Uh. I don't think its working." Gohan said, lying underneath Videl who was upside down and doing half a headstand. Dende was scratching his antennae. "So you can do it through clothes?" Dende asked. "Well, I've never tried it." Goku said. "Preferably not." "Ah. Well. Uh.. What?" Dende asked. Goku fell over and Gohan got a gigantic sweat drop. "We're gonna need back up." Goku said.  
  
"I will kill you Kakarot." Vegeta said, as he was dragged to the backyard of Dende's house. "Come on Vegeta. Lend a friend a hand!" "I will kill you Kakarot." Vegeta replied. "Okay. Bulma, you sit like this. Now Vegeta, you do this." "Get your hand off my leg Kakarot. I will kill you Kakarot." "Now do you get it, Dende?" Goku asked Dende. "No." Dende replied. Goku fell over again. "We need back-up for the back-up."  
  
Back at Dende's, Goku was armed with several of Bra's Barbie Dolls. "Now. This is Kah-" "Don't say it! She might hear!" Dende quickly said. "Oh. Okay. Well this is.. Uh.. Street Corner Barbie and Lives in Parents Basement Ken." Goku stripped the dolls of their clothes. "So what you want to do is to put your 'rinky dink' in the 'bottle cap' and eureka! Sex!" Goku said. "Which one am I? Street Corner Barbie or Lives in Parents Basement Ken?" Goku fell over again. "I'm going to need back up for the back up for the back up. Bulma, I need to use your phone to call Krillin."  
  
Note: Sorry if anyone was offended. There is a warning at the top of the page. Krillin is the back up for the back up for the back up? Kami save us!!!! 


	6. Chapter 6

A Problem on Namek Chapter 6  
  
By RowlingIdol (Lauren G.)  
  
A Big Note For Everyone Who Reads This: This is rated PG for humor and MINOR, not major, MINOR sexual situations. And in one Namek/Freiza saga episode, Vegeta mentions he trains a lot (duh) and drinks lots of juice and that's how he is so strong. So that's the deal with Juicy Juice in this story. Vegeta thinks Apple juice is weak, and Grape is strong. Get it? Also, I have this idea that Nameks don't look as old as they look. Like, they grow up fast. And if you think my idea of Kahoma and Dende getting together is just as bizarre as Oolong and Puar doing the dirty, you stink. This is a humorous story. You like humor stories. *nod nod* We like the Nameks. *nod nod* We like Dende. *nod nod* We like my made up characters. *nod nod* You won't trash this story. *nod---* Ah! Come on!!!! Just read.  
  
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Special Authors Note: Thanks for all your reviews! CatGirl-13, your last big review had some 'really' good theories in it. And I mean really good. Like, exactly what I was going to do in the end! Mostly... Its good to know there are people on the same wave length as you! Cheers to all!  
  
  
  
Goku hurriedly dialed the Kame House number. "Come on, come on.. Pick up!" Goku said. There was a click and the sound of a TV droned in Goku's ear, followed by maniacal laughter. " 'Okay ladies! Lift those legs! And one. And two. And one. And two.' BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" "Master Roshi?" Goku questioned. " 'Higher ladies! Stretch those thigh muscles! And one. And two. And one. And two. Good! Lets switch sides! All right, here we go! And one. And two. And one. And two.' BWAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" "MASTER ROSHI I NEED TO TALK TO KRILLIN!" Goku screamed into the phone, making everyone clutch their ears in pain, except for Vegeta and Gohan. "What? Goku?" Master Roshi said into the phone. "You want to talk to Krillin? I don't know where he is." "How can you not know where he is? You have like, 5 rooms in your house and its on some tiny island. How hard can it be to find him?" " 'Lets' do some butterflies now girls! Stretch... Now lean forward and touch your toes with your chin. Good!' BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!" Master Roshi laughed while stuffing more Kleenex in his nose. "Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!" said Marron's voice. The Krillin/18 daughter Marron. "He's doing it again!!!!!!!" The phone was yanked away from Master Roshi's pervy-ness. "Hello?" asked Android 18. "Hi 18, this is Goku. Can I talk to Krillin?" "Sure. KRILLIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "What is it my pookie wookie snookums diddly duddy dums hot cakes baby doll?" "Goku's on the phone." "Oh. Thanks hun. Hello?" "Hey Krillin! Its me! Goku!" "How's it going?" "Good. Listen, I need your help." "Sure Goku. What's up?" "Well. Tell me, are you good at teaching?" "Uh... I guess but it depends.. Goku? Goku?" But Goku had already handed the phone to Bulma and instant transmissioned to Earth even though he probably can't because they're on Namek but this is a fan fiction so he can do what he wants. "Hey Goku. You want a to have a barbeque or something?" "Barbeque! That sounds great! But no.. I can't. I need your help on Namek. Dende's having girl problems." "What? Dende's a girl????????????? I thought all Nameks were boys!" "No Krillin. Dende is a boy but apparently there is also a girl Namek and Dende wants to get jiggy with her, but he doesn't know how." "*Psssssch!*" went Krillin, waving his hand in the air. "Me and 18 get jiggy all the time!" A spatula came flying out of the Kame Kitchen and nailed Krillin in the head. "Owwwwwwww! Sorry!" Krillin apologized to his wife. "So you need our help?" 18 asked, slouching in the doorway. "Yeah." "We're going Krillin. I want to get away from the Porn Star." 18 said, jerking her head towards Master Roshi in the living room. "Great!" Goku said. "Dearest, what about Marron?" "You're right." 18 said. "Oh she can come along! She can hang out with Trunks. And Videl if she wants to. She can help baby-sit Pan or Bra." "What? Why are all those kids up there? You're not pulling some child molestation trick on me are you?" Krillin asked. "NOOOOOO! Vegeta and Bulma and Gohan are up their with them. Geez. Piccolo too." "Okay then." Minutes later Goku instant transmissioned everybody to Namek, leaving poor pervy Master Roshi behind.  
  
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"Now, what should we do to explain sex education?" Krillin asked Goku as he and 18 walked towards Dende's house. "We tried examples. First Gohan and Videl tried an example but they weren't showing anything so Dende was confused. Then I tried examples with forcing Bulma and Vegeta into poses. Then we tried some of Bra's Barbie dolls but that didn't work." "Do you think a straightforward talk will help?" Krillin asked. "Its worth a try."  
  
"So Dende. I hear you want to learn about sex.." Krillin said. "No. I want to learn how to 'do it' with.." Then he said softly. "Kahoma." "Yeah. So you want to lean about sex." "No! I told you. I want to learn how to 'do it' with-" "It's the same thing!" Krillin said. "Okay. So.... Where to begin..." "Use condoms." 18 said, glaring at Krillin. "Con.. Dums?" "I'm sure Piccolo can get you one. Piccolo?" Krillin said, turning to Piccolo. "WHAT???????????" Piccolo roared, going red. "WHY DO YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE A FREAKIN' CONDOM?" "Right... Good point. Vegeta?" Krillin said turning to Vegeta. Vegeta glared at Krillin. "Oh come on!" Bulma said, rolling her eyes. She found the almost hidden pocket on Vegeta's spandex and took out a condom. Vegeta went red. Bulma let go of the spandex pocket and it snapped back. Vegeta slightly winced. He's very 'bum' sensitive. Bulma gave the condom to Dende. "Oooooooooh." Dende said. "And you put it on your.... You put it there." Krillin said, pointing to the groin area. "Oh. Okay." Dende said. He peeled off the wrapper and placed it neatly on top of his poofy genie pants. "Uh. No, no, no. You put it on..." Krillin went up to Dende and whispered in his ear. "What? What's a 'penis'? I don't have one of those!" "Yes you do!" Bulma said. She grinned evilly, reached over and pulled down Vegeta's pants. Goku fell over laughing so hard they could hear him even from a mile deep down in the Namek ground. "Oh. Okay. Yeah. I have one of those." Vegeta whirled around and pulled up his spandex pants. "So you put it on that then you put it into the girls..." Krillin whispered in Dende's ear again. "What is.." Dende began but the sound of Videl, Bulma, and 18 running back to the Capsule Corp. Travel Mansion drowned out the rest of his words.  
  
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Krillin, Vegeta, and Piccolo had to get Goku out of the ground, but Vegeta refused. "Whew! Digged the blue boxers with Bob the Builder on them." Goku said as he wiped dirt from his Gi. "I will kill you Kakarot." Vegeta said. They walked back to the Capsule Corp. Travel Mansion. "So what else you got? Hearts?" "No. I will kill you Kakarot." "What about Glow in the Dark ones?" "No. I will kill you Kakarot." "Ooooh! Oooooh! I know! You have Harry Potter boxers!" Vegeta didn't answer. "Yup. I knew it. I've got some too. Christmas gift."  
  
Inside the house, everyone was thinking about how they could help Dende. "I could dig up the porn magazines I buried after I found them in Trunk's room." Bulma suggested. "I volunteer for a real example. We can solve the problem, can't we babe?" Krillin said. "No. I refuse to have a sex show for green aliens." 18 replied. "Pleeeeeeeease?" "No." "Pretty please?????????????" "No." "Pretty pretty pretty please??????????" "No." "How about you and me go to our guest room and get jiggy with it and we can tape the whole thing and show it to Dende and then we can go back home!" "No." "Yeah. You know you wanna." "No." "Come on baby, let's go." Krillin winked at 18. "I don't think so!" 18 said and sent Krillin flying across the kitchen. "Hey! Let's bring up Master Roshi!" Goku suggested. "But we came up here to get away from him!" Krillin said, getting up and walking wobbly to the kitchen table." "He's our last hope!" Goku whined. "No he's not. There's still Goten." Gohan pointed out. "No. Your mom won't let him and... Goten know about sex?" Goku asked. "I'm just guessing!" Gohan said, defending himself. "Gohan is right. There is another alternative instead of Master Roshi and his girls panties collection." Bulma said. "Who?" Everyone asked. "Piccolo!" Bulma said pointing across the table to Piccolo, who abruptly fell over.  
  
Note: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Professor Piccolo teaching sex ed!!!!!! Thank god for that long boring video in Horticulture about Sexual and Asexual reproduction of plants!!!!!!! Review!!!!!!!! 


	7. Chapter 7

A Problem on Namek Chapter 7  
  
By RowlingIdol (Lauren G.)  
  
A Big Note For Everyone Who Reads This: This is rated PG for humor and MINOR, not major, MINOR sexual situations. And in one Namek/Freiza saga episode, Vegeta mentions he trains a lot (duh) and drinks lots of juice and that's how he is so strong. So that's the deal with Juicy Juice in this story. Vegeta thinks Apple juice is weak, and Grape is strong. Get it? Also, I have this idea that Nameks don't look as old as they look. Like, they grow up fast. And if you think my idea of Kahoma and Dende getting together is just as bizarre as Oolong and Puar doing the dirty, you stink. This is a humorous story. You like humor stories. *nod nod* We like the Nameks. *nod nod* We like Dende. *nod nod* We like my made up characters. *nod nod* You won't trash this story. *nod---* Ah! Come on!!!! Just read.  
  
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"Why me?" Piccolo asked, standing up and brushing crumbs off the bottom of his poofy genie pants. "Because. It's your turn!" Bulma said. Piccolo sighed. "All right." Piccolo quickly gave in. Everyone herded to Dende's house. "We're back!" Goku sang, coming in the front door. "Hi guys!" Dende said. "Would you like some water?" Dende offered. "Thank you!" Bulma said. She handed out glasses of water to everyone. They took sips, Vegeta with his pinky up. "Piccolo is going to explain sex to you now." Bulma said. "Piccolo? I thought he didn't know anything about sex." Dende said. "He does." Bulma quickly said. "Don't you Piccolo?" "Uhhhhhhhh." Piccolo said. "Where's Kahoma?" Goku asked. "Dunno." Dende shrugged. "All right. Um. Dende. This is a flower." Piccolo said, picking a flower out of the vase on the kitchen table. "Okay." "And this is the Pistil of the flower. Its like a . *whisper whisper whisper*" "Plants have pen---" Dende began but Bulma slapped a hand over his mouth. "And uh. This is the Stanma. The female part of the flower. Now this is the ovary of the flower. It's like an egg. Females have uh.. Eggs in them and uh. When the sperm from the Pistil gets into the ovary/egg of the female uh.. Then uh.. It's like sex/reproduction." Piccolo said. "Wow. Plants are so complex." Goku said. "So plants can have sex too?" Dende asked. "No. The reproduce." "I wanted to have sex with Kahoma. I didn't want to reproduce her." Dende frowned. "Ugh! I give up!" Piccolo said, throwing up his hands. "Wait! I've got an idea!" Bulma said. "What?" Goku asked. "Vegeta, go to the house and get that box of Tampons in the bathroom." "Your Tam-Whats woman?" "TAMPONS. You know. That pink box in the bathroom you're so fascinated with." Vegeta went red. He got up and went to get them. He came back with the pink box of Tampons. "Okay you listen mister." Bulma said, standing up and shoving the box in Dende's face. She took a tampon out of the box. "This is your 'little friend'." She said. "My what?" Bulma turned around to whip down a male's pants to show Dende (again) what a 'little friend' is. But to avoid the embarrassment of Bulma pulling their pants down for them, Krillin, Goku, Piccolo, and Vegeta pulled down their pants, red as cherries. "Okay." Dende said. "And this-" Bulma turned the box around and showed him the examples of how to put a tampon in. "Is a girls 'vagina'." "So that's what they're called." Dende said. "Yeah. Whatever. Now what you want to do is to put this-" Bulma held up the tampon. "And put it in this." She pointed to the example. "And move it in and out and it'll get big and-" "Bulma. I think that's enough. You don't want to traumatize him." Vegeta said, pulling Bulma back into her chair. "I think I'm understanding." Dende said. "Thanks you guys." "You're welcome." Goku said. "So Goku. You want a barbeque?" Krillin asked. "Nothing else to do now." "Okay." So they went back to Capsule Corp. for a barbeque, leaving Dende behind with the forgotten tampon box...  
  
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"Uh.. Kahoma?" Dende asked later when Kahoma was back. "Yes Dende?" "Uh.. Wanna have sex?" "Sure. What's that?" "Uh..." "Is it some kind of flavored water? Bulma told me about those. She says it should be good for us Nameks because its still water." Kahoma walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. "If you want to have sex we should get some first. I'll go to Bulma's. I'll be right back." She left.  
  
"Hi Bulma." Kahoma said, letting herself into the house. "Oh hi. What brings you here?" "Dende wanted to have sex. Can I get some here?" There was an explosion from the backyard. "KAKAROT!!!!! YOU LIT MY HAIR ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!" "Sorry Vegeta! I don't know how that happened!" "Do you know how many cans of hair spray it takes to get my hair to stand up like this? You can't go waving torch blowers around people with hair spray in their hair!" *SPLASH* "AAAAAAAAARRRRRGH! NOW I'M ALL WET!!!!!! I WILL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!" "The barbeque you guys!" Krillin said. "Oh yeah. Food." Vegeta said. "He.. He what?" Bulma said, choking back laughter. "Dende asked if I wanted to have sex but we didn't have any here so I came here to get some. Are you out of it or something? Darn, I wanted to try the strawberry kind." "Strawberry kind of what?" "Sex!!!! You know! Those flavored waters you told me about." Kahoma said. "Oh. That. We have that here but that's not sex. It's just flavored water." "Oh. Oh well. That's okay." Bulma gave Kahoma a bottle of flavored water and sent her on her way.  
  
"Dende! They don't have sex at Bulma's. Turns out sex isn't flavored water after all." Kahoma set the bottled water on the table. "Uh....." Dende said. "You want me to go ask Videl? I'll go ask her." Kahoma left the house.  
  
"Hey Videl." Kahoma said when Videl answered the door. "Oh, hey! Come in." Videl said, holding Pan. "Did you need something?" Videl asked, setting Pan in her high-chair and fixing up a bottle. "Yeah. Bulma doesn't have sex at her house. Do you have any?" "Wh-Wh-What? N-n-n-no." Videl said. "Oh. Is everything okay?" Kahoma asked Videl. "Yeah. I'm fine. What were you looking for?" Videl blushed and busied herself with the bottle. "Well, Dende asked if I wanted to have sex so I went to Bulma's house to get some. Turns out sex isn't flavored water, so I thought you might know what it is and have some." "I know what it is but we don't have any." Videl said. "What is it then?" "Oh look at the time, sorry no more time for chit chat bye!" Videl said, rushing Kahoma out the door and slamming the door. "Hmmm." Kahoma said. "Oh well. Guess I'll have to tell Dende no one has sex around here." Kahoma went back. "Sorry Dende. No one has sex. Oh well. Sorry. Well. I'm going to bed. Good night!" Kahoma went into her bedroom and shut the door. "Uh...." Dende said, lying on the couch, covering himself with a pillow.  
  
***********  
  
"You guys. We've got a problem." Bulma said, going into the backyard. "I know woman! Kakarot lit my hair on fire!" Vegeta said, almost whining. "I said I was sorry!" Goku apologized. "Never mind that." Bulma hurriedly said. "Never mind? Woman, my hair could have been ruined! The giant forehead and big widow's peak ruined!" "Shut up Vegeta or no 'fun' for you tonight." Bulma warned. Vegeta shut up. "Dende asked Kahoma to have sex with him." "YAYYYY!!!!! Good for him!" Goku said. "No Goku. She thinks sex is flavored water. Now what do we do? Dende can't go around asking Kahoma if she wants to have sex with him." "I know!" Goku instant transmissioned/teleported away and came back. "GOKU!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Bulma screamed. "BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" Master Roshi said, tropical shirt clad, with khaki shorts and red sandals. His sunglasses were perched on his nose. He had several suitcases at his sides. "The Sex Professor is in the house!!!!!!!!!! BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!" Master Roshi laughed.  
  
Note: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! IT'S MASTER ROSHI!!!!!!! Kudos to my friend Nicole (sex ed teacher) for her tampon idea. Hmmmm. Too much DBZ tapes for me. Review!!!!!! 


End file.
